Tori Spelling is genetically sound...

Say what you will about Tori Spelling and her jacked up plastic surgery. I know her nose is a bit off and her boob job is distracting, what with that huge tit pit in the center... but you gotta hand it to the girl, she looks pretty damn amazing after having 3 kids in rapid succession and number 4 on the way.

Kim Kardashian nip slip photo?

Kim Kardashian had a slight wardrobe malfunction at Cannnes recently. Is it a nipple or a fold in the fabric? I say NIPPLE because it's way more fun. Plus I like the way the word "nipple" rolls off my tongue. What?

Justin Bieber is possessed...

Oh, lookit how mad Justin Bieber is. Either this child is super pissed off at the paparazzi or he is passing kidney stones, much like me these days. After I peed out that damn thing this morning, I looked exactly like the Biebs. Word to your mutha.

Rihanna is naked and in trouble...

Is it just me or is Rihanna on a slippery slope to nowhere? Every Twitter update, every desperate photo she posts just makes her seem like she is fading fast. She is on the fast track to nowhere and I can see this silly bitch crashing and burning in an epic fail. Love the way you lie, Rihanna

Loose Lips Links

I never liked Adam Levine, anyway Evil Beet

Pete Wentz feeds his kid sometimes Celeb Baby Laundry

Demi Lovato is a cover girl Celeb Teen Laundry

Jennifer Lopez is golden Lickable Celebs

Ben Affleck has a poker face The Great Monkey Suit

Selena Gomez has no ass....

I really like Selena Gomez and in a way, I hope she has  broken up with Justin Bieber like all of the rumors floating around out there... She can do so much better than Justin, in fact, she needs to take Robert Pattinson from Kristen Stewart. She could totally kick Kristen's ass and have her self a "real" man for a change. If you can call a sparkly, moussed hair, dude a "man".  Anyway, Selena is adorable, but she has no ass (to speak of) in this photo. But at least she pumps her own gas which is more that I can say for myself.

Ginger Spice Upskirt Photo...

We haven't heard much from Ginger Spice aka Geri Halliwell lately, so she made sure all of us pathetic bloogers had a post to put up of her upskirt photo. I have to warn you, I wouldn't click on this one to enlarge it... Geri need a shave and a haircut.

Loose Lips Links...

Lindsay Lohan has money to burn... Evil Beet
Suri Cruise looks like she has a 'tude Celeb Baby Laundry

Jennifer Lopez is golden Lickable Celebs

Beyonce is lie tellin' again Swanky Celebs

Justin Bieber will put his foot up your ass The Great Monkey Suit

Miley Cyrus side boob on the run...

In a perfect world that truck would have been in drive, Miley Cyrus would have tripped over her shoelaces and that big silver grill would have knocked Miley's boob out of her armpit hole for us to see once and for all. That would have been amazing but it didn't happen. Instead we have just another shot of Miley Cyrus, in all of her braless glory, tacky tattoos and balled up hair giving the paparazzi a glimpse of what will soon be a boob as saggy and washed up as her career.

Kristen Stewart looks thrilled.... Kirsten Dunst looks semi-washed

I love this photo. I do believe that Kirsten Dunst is so done. I have no clue as to how she even became as well known as she is. Supposedly she is a decent actor but she always looks disheveled and dirty to me. Oh, and usually drunk. So much so that she's been called Kirsten Drunkst, which I really like and it fits her perfectly. Anyway, here is Kristen Stewart posing with a washed up Drunkst and looking less than thrilled about it.

Loose Lips Links

What in the hell American Idol? Evil Beet

Megan Fox can mulitply Celeb Baby Laundry

I forgot all about ALF Celeb Teen Laundry

Topless Taylor Momsen Swanky Celebs

Phillip Phillips is a girly man The Great Monkey Suit

Anderson Cooper doesn't play with Barbies Celebrity Smack

Miley Cyrus spits, doesn't swallow...

What a freaking brat! Looks like Miley Cyrus is leaning over the balcony ready to drop a mouthful of spit on someone. That is simply nasty and rude. If that bitch spit on me I would march right up to that hotel room and kick her ass.

Hayden Panettiere looks badass... or just bad?

Hayden Panettiere looks like a tough ass bitch in this photo. The usually soft and cute looking Hayden is often photographed in a bikini choose a radical different look on this day. Animal print clutch and a serious leather jacket, Hayden looks like a dominatrix/librarian. The really scary part? Those 80's shoulder pads. Frightening.

Loose Lips Links

Snooki ain't going nowhere but the Shore Evil Beet

David Beckham has a plan Celeb Baby Laundry

Jay Z needs to get over himself Celeb Teen Laundry

Kim Kardashian ate an entire cow then wore it Lickable Celebs

Dude looks like a lady The Great Monkey Suit

John Travolta is on fire...

A lot has been said about John Travolta over the years, most notably that he lives a secret gay lifestyle. I, for one have never really believed it. Or maybe I didn't want to believe that Vinny Bobbarino was secretly playing with penises. Over the past week,  3 guys have come forward and accused Travolta of inappropriate sexual advances and I have to say where there is smoke there is fire. Something ain't right with John Travolta and he can't hide it anymore. I do know that he is an active Scientologist and I don't think homosexuality is accepted or even "allowed" which I'm sure has been quite the struggle for John. Back in the time of Ron L. Hubbard,  great measures were taken to "cure" homosexuality but these days they would have you believe The Church of Scientology does not dictate sexual preferences. Not buying it but I do know who will be paying it and that is going to be John, paying these guys to STFU and go away.

Loose Lips Links...

Russell Brand still loves Katy Perry... Of course he does, no one pays any attention to him now Evil Beet

Charlize Theron just knows these things... Celeb Baby Laundry

Ashlee Simpson ruins everything... Lickable Celebs

Donna Summer died from 9/11? Swanky Celebs

John Travolta is a Grease-y predator The Great Monkey Suit

Demi Lovato gets no respect...

Looks like Simon Cowell is giving Demi Lovato the cold shoulder. She's just hanging on at the edge but I am guessing that Demi will be great on X Factor and make Britney Spears look like a child. Of course we'll have L.A. Reid to balance out Simon's sarcastic wit. I think this is going to be good and I am going to watch it this season. I am so over American Idol. That show totally jumped the shark this season and every time I tuned in, it became more and more boring. Not one single contestant really rocked out like in the past seasons, no one seems to be feeling it and everyone is simply playing it safe. Huge yawn for AI and I will not be watching it again. However, I will tune in to X Factor because I love Simon, I like Demi Lovato and I cannot look away any time Britney is doing something other than lip synching. Whenever this girl talks it's pure entertainment and my favorite kind of crazy.

Gwyneth Paltrow looks really good...

I never thought I would write the words, "Gwyneth Paltrow looks good..." but there you have it. She looks amazing, like I have never seen her before. This was a great idea and Gwyneth should adopt this look every day from now on.

Tish Cyrus has gas station beef jerky nipples...

Tish Cyrus has some wonky boobs, huh? Looks like one of them is ready for a little nap. I see Tish avoids bras about as much as her lovely daughter, Miley Cyrus. I wonder how much those distressed jeans cost? Or maybe she found them at the bottom Billy Ray's 1980's wardrobe closet while she was looking for his career. This is a woman who is not easy on the eyes and kind of reminds me of a piece of beef jerky, but not the good kind. You know the beef jerky  you find in a dusty package on the gas station shelf and you buy it because you're drunk and hungry? You take it home and try to eat it but it's tough and stringy, so you drop it behind the sofa. A month later you sweep behind there and discover that dusty, dirty, hairy piece of jerky, you reach down to throw it out and your dog snatches it, after a while even he can't digest that crap so you kick it back under the sofa. That is what Tish Cyrus reminds me of.

Lindsay Lohan channels Looney Tunes...

Lindsay Lohan is looking so gorgeous these days, right? I just love the dime store bobby pin she has stuck in her hair. We all know she really uses it to dig the coke boogers out of her nose. She reminds me of Witch Hazel from Looney Tunes. Every time she would chase after Bugs Bunny a bunch of bobby pins would fly out of her hair. I'll bet Samantha Ronson has a huge collection of those very same pins.

Bree Olson likes tools...

It looks like Bree Olson, former Charlie Sheen "Goddess" needed a little extra help while doing a practically naked photo shoot. They literally had to clamp that ass of hers and I can see why. So, not only does Bree use tools in her wardrobe she also dates them.

Jessica Simpson is in the stuffed sausage business now...

Jessica Simpson is going to come out with a maternity line. Of course she is. Jessica has made a butt-load of cash of doing lots of things and has made quite the financial comeback since blowing her last bit of money on her doomed wedding to Nick Lachey. So, now Jess is going to show us all how to dress while we are trying to conceal a 30 pound turkey strapped to our stomachs. I followed Jessica rather closely throughout her pregnancy because it was simply fascinating. The duration and how huge she got. Not once did I see a photo of Jessica in a great looking outfit that flattered her baby bump. In fact, Jessica was a train wreck of fashion throughout the entire thing, beginning with the Mummy costume on Halloween that she announced the pregnancy in. For example, this photo looks like Jessica has morphed into a burnt sausage that swallowed a tater tot. Maybe that's why she is going to do a maternity line, she wants to look better next time? Nah... she is doing it so she can rake in the money, honey.

Loose Lips Links

Brandi Glanville will cut a bitch Evil Beet

Charlize Theron is so forgetful Celeb Baby Laundry

Isabella Cruise is doomed Swanky Celebs

Demi Lovato just made an assload of cash The Great Monkey Suit

Only if you like to fap to naked beef jerky Celebrity Smack

Mary Kate Olsen has crossed over...

I never have understood the whole Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen phenomenon. They were little troll looking babies that grew up to be wealthy troll adults. These days though,  Mark Kate has taken it to a whole new level. This photo is downright frightening and I totally get why everyone is posting it. The dress is a bit much... it looks like a couple of silky black shower curtains sewn together, I can deal with that. It's the hair. My God. That hair. Horrid. If she ran a brush through it and donned a pair of black shades she could give Carl Lagerfeld a run for his money.

Tori Spelling had an uh oh moment...

So Tori Spelling is pregnant again hot on the heels of just giving birth. I did the math and I believe she got pregnant in the delivery room. (I kid....) I think this one wasn't planned, maybe none of those babies were planned and I have no idea how she does it. Not the getting pregnant thing but dealing with 3 little kids with a fourth on the way. I've watched her show and it seems that Tori and Dean are actually pretty hands on parents. As always I am fascinated by Tori's boobs. They look exactly like water balloons propped up in her bikini top. I can just imagine one of them toppling out and splashing onto the ground. Tori would take it in stride and simply fill up another one and toss it in her bra. Yup, Tori is awesome like that.

Taylor Momsen crotch photo...

Taylor Momsen is really something else isn't she? Cracked out, sad clown face makeup, freakishly long hair extensions and those boots. I'd hate like hell to try and take those things off after a night of hard partying. Anyway, Taylor always finds a way to get her image out the and this time it's a pretty clear shot of her crotch, which appears to be nicely groomed.

Loose Lips Links

LeAnn Rimes already has one Evil Beet

Sandra Bullock only has one man Celeb Baby Laundry

A new Osbourne spawn Swanky Celebs

More hot A$$ links The Great Monkey Suit

Ritchie Sambora goes back for seconds Celebrity Smack

Scarlett Johansson has a mullet and maybe herpes...

Scarlett Johansson chopped off of her hair all the way back into the 80's. This never looked good on anyone except maybe Joan Jett and no one would have told her it looked bad because she would have kicked their ass.

More noticeable is Scarlett's lips. She has plumped them up so much that they resemble an overinflated bicycle tire about to explode. She has some really red lipstick on and it looks like it is barely covering up something on her bottom lip. Could be herpes or injection sites. Maybe she's a lip biter? Who knows?

One thing for sure... Scarlett looks nothing like she used to. Shocker.

Britney Spears is still classy, ya'll...

Britney Spears looks like shit pretty much all of the time and these photos prove it. Britney has her butt crack hanging out going up  the stairs and a plate of food coming back down. In between she is flipping off the cameras in a passive aggressive manner and of course she has a Marlboro light to suck after polishing off that fried chicken with crispy Cheeto coating. Shake and Bake, baby... shake and bake.

Denise Richards is a hairy dude...

WOW. This close up of Denise Richards is really scary. The girl has a full beard and mustache! She has more facial hair than Justin Bieber. It's sort of unusual because I think Denise is a blonde naturally. Or close to it. She's not Armenian so what the hell is up with all that hair? Maybe she bleached it? If she can afford to get her boobs done a few times you'd think she could pony up some cash for electrolysis.

Is Katie Holmes pregnant again?

 This top photo of Katie Holmes pregnant the first time was so contrived. Poor Katie was under fire for faking her baby bump so she made sure the paparazzi got a shot of a real baby bump, which I believe was authentic.

Here is a more recent photo of Katie with Suri who is 6 years old now and it looks like Katie either has a baby bump or an unfortunate dress on. Hard to say. It's time Katie has another baby anyway, after all her husband Tom Cruise is on W magazine photoshopped and airbrushed to the hilt for his Rock Of Ages project. I see Tom is wearing guyliner not eyeliner because that would be gay.

Mischa Barton looks perpetually surprised...

What on earth happened to Mischa Barton's face? She looks like a 40 year old housewife that has smoked and drank her way through 4 kids and a lousy husband. She appears surprised to have her photo taken and I am too because Mischa Barton is so over. It's amazing that her 15 minutes are still ticking enough to get her picture out there. Maybe that's why she jacked up her face, it's one way to stay relevant when your career is in the toilet. Someone, please flush Mischa away.

Ali Lohan looks miserable...

Ali Lohan looks so miserable and bitchy in every single photo I see of her. It could be that she is embarrassed to be a Lohan or it could be those unfortunate "mom jeans" she is wearing. Poor thing looks unhealthy too. Maybe she is crabby because she is hungry. I think she should give up on this modeling crap, I've never seen her in any magazines anyway, unless it's a paparazzi photo. Aliana should eat a cheeseburger and call it a day.

Amanda Bynes cannot help herself Evil Beet

Kelly Osbourne loves her niece Celeb Baby Laundry

Johnny Depp a brother from another mother Swanky Celebs

Arianny Celeste is pretty much naked The Great Monkey Suit

Nadya Suleman not maternal but will masturbate for cash...

Nadya Suleman did an interview with some British rag mag about how she would have never had all of those children and that she is simply not feeling the maternal thing. Shocker, right? She goes on to say that she has been celibate for 13 years and displaces her sexual energy and distributes it toward her kids. What the hell? Octomom is crazy, we all know that. Now she says she will do a porn flick if she doesn't have to "touch" anyone, so I guess that leaves a fetish or a masturbation video. I would watch it because I couldn't not watch it but who in their right mind would get off on Nadya? She doesn't even get off on herself, poor thing. When masturbation's lost it's fun, you're fuckin' crazy. Original lyrics are supposed to be "fucking breaking" often heard as "lazy" quoted as "lonely" but I'd like to change it to "crazy" just for Nadya. Moving on...

She filed for bankruptcy and I can understand... a lot of people have lost their asses financially in recent years but it really pisses me off that she spent $520 on her hair but not on fixing the toilets in her home. Her kids have torn her house to shreds and everything left in it is broken or spray painted. I know why they won't give her a reality show, her house is a disaster, her children are like animals and if all of that crazy was exposed on a weekly basis, Nadya would not only lose those kids for real, they'd lock her away in a loony bin which is exactly where she belongs.

Rosario Dawson got new boobs?

Rosairo Dawson appears to have had a little work done on her boobs and it looks downright painful. The top photo is of Rosario with her normal looking breasts and the bottom photo is a recent shot of her boobs all kinds of jacked up. Yes, they were a tad droopy and a little lopsided before but that was better than these hard sacs of grapefruits that are threatening to strangle this poor girl.

Dr.Robert Rey and his bag of tricks...

I cannot make up my mind if I find Dr. Robert Rey of Dr. 90210 appealing or appalling. One thing for sure he is always entertaining in a manic sort of way. Every time TMZ catches him out he always has a bag of tricks to show off and explain. I am guessing the bottom photo is a pec implant? The center photo is a penis implant and he is demonstrating where it goes, as if we needed that visual. Last time he was rambling about a new surgical procedure that women are getting where they amputate a portion of their foot so they can fit into designer shoes. Insane. What the hell will they think of next? Anyway I am strangely attracted to Dr. Rey and that is a very scary thing.